


The Consequences

by veeagainst



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, Genderqueer, Humor, Kinky, Lesbian Sex, M/M, crackfic, femmeslash, thisgotfuckedupfast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 11:05:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1302580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veeagainst/pseuds/veeagainst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius and Remus do a favour for James that leads to them having female bodies for a few days; everyone discovers that playing with sex and gender is fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure silliness, and contains about 7000 words of graphic lesbian sex. If you don't want to read the phrase "soaked knickers" 100 times, turn back now.

Remus Lupin wakes up on his side in his bed with a feeling of undefined and nebulous weirdness. He slides his hand down his pyjama trousers and feels around, wondering if he’s been having one of those incredibly annoying sex dreams that have been plaguing him recently whose details are always elusive the second he wakes, but he doesn’t find his erection. Frowning into his pillow, drowsily confused, he moves his hand around, fingers going through the curls below his waistband, but there doesn’t seem to be anything there. Startled, he rolls over on his stomach and feels two very tender somethings get squished against the lumpy, standard-issue Hogwarts mattress. Startled again, he rolls over onto his back, puts his hands on his chest, gropes around, and shouts, in a much higher voice than normal, ‘James. FUCKING. Potter!’

 

For a long moment, there’s no response. Then Remus hears Sirius say, voice sounding strange and muffled and _wrong_ , ‘Moony?’ There’s another pause and then, panicked, high-pitched: ‘MOONY?’

 

‘What is everyone yelling about?’ James asks, and his voice sounds fine, as masculine as it ever does.

 

Remus sits up and the things on his chest seem to take an age to move with him. He stares down at them in horrified fascination and wonders if he can wrangle his usual private room down in the infirmary so he can play with them all day. A second later the full horror of the situation hits him.

 

‘I did that as a _favour_ to _you_ ,’ he snarls in the direction of James’s bed.

 

‘You swore to us,’ and the accent is so posh it must be Sirius, but he – she – sounds nothing like she – he – had last night when they were whispering in the girl’s dormitory, ‘that the rumours weren’t true. James Potter, you _swore_.’

 

James appears in Remus’s field of vision, hair stuck up and squinting without his glasses. ‘What’s the problem?’ he asks. He pulls his glasses on and his eyes open wide. ‘Oh my god, Wormtail, you have to see this.’

 

‘Fuck. You.’ Remus swings his new legs out of the bed. They weigh rather less than they used to do and it makes him clumsy, so he trips over his own strangely smaller feet and falls rather than running full tilt at James and choking him. He doesn’t get his hands out in time and lands on his breasts and fuck it hurts, but that just makes him angrier.

 

Peter has appeared beside James and is staring down at Remus with an expression that is truly indescribable; Remus, standing up and massaging his tender breasts to try to make them feel better, can’t even begin to decode the combination of horror and shock he sees there.

 

‘Oh my god,’ Peter whispers. ‘The rumours were true.’

 

‘Wow, Remus,’ James says. ‘You’re really, uh,’ and here he makes a groping motion in the vicinity of Remus’s chest, ‘talented.’

 

Remus realises that he’s still absent-mindedly squeezing the – his – new breasts. It feels rather nice. He also realises that both James and Peter are staring at his chest. Anger starts up again and he lunges towards James, knocking them both over and going for his throat.

 

‘Ow, Moony, fuck, ow,’ James yells, flailing as Remus, realising that he’s not as strong as he’s used to being, decides to start fighting dirty. ‘That’s not fair,’ James howls as Remus grabs his wrist and digs with his fingernails into the soft flesh there. It’s a surprisingly satisfying feeling. He grabs James’s hair with his other hand and yanks as James tries to shove him off but he straddles him and is about to scratch his eyes out when James suddenly goes still, a horrified expression on his face, and then shoves Remus to the side hard enough that he hits the ground. James scrambles back toward his bed, suddenly looking anywhere but at Remus.

 

‘Can’t take it, Potter?’ Remus demands, mad enough to spit. ‘This is all your fault!’

 

‘No,’ James says, shaking his head, eyes shut, ‘no no no. Moony. Oh no. Don’t touch me.’

 

Something in his voice makes Remus stop, but he’s still mad. ‘Why not?’ James doesn’t answer so Remus starts towards him again, but he puts up one hand and shakes his head, eyes clamped shut.

 

‘What?’ Remus asks, mystified, sinking back onto his haunches. His breasts feel heavy on his chest.

 

‘Because you’re turning him on,’ Peter says, and then he starts laughing, while James turns even redder and says, ‘Shut it, Wormtail,’ in a horrified voice.

 

‘Oh, Christ,’ Remus says, equally horrified, scrambling backwards away from James until he runs into the foot of Sirius’s bed. James is the least sexy thing he can imagine, and he had once been trapped under the invisibility cloak while Madam Pince and Professor Kettleburn had gotten hot and heavy late one night in the library.

 

‘It’s fine,’ James says, taking deep breaths. ‘It’s fine. You just have, uhm, really big… they’re really bouncy…’

 

‘It’s the closest he’s gotten to any,’ Peter says, snickering. ‘He’s just not sure how to react.’

 

‘On the contrary,’ James says, ‘I know _exactly_ how to react to a set of really great tits. The problem is that the tits are attached to _Moony_.’

 

Remus looks down at his chest in horror. The buttons on his pyjama top are desperately trying to do their jobs, but the strain has been too much for one poor worker and there’s a big gap in the middle, revealing the curves of two very pale, very large breasts. ‘I can’t,’ Remus says, but he stops, not sure what it is that he can’t do. Any of this. He tips his head back against the footboard of Sirius’s bed.

 

‘So,’ Peter says, ‘since two of you undertook this mission last night, I assume that there’s someone else in a similar predicament…’

 

‘I’m not getting out of bed,’ Sirius informs them.

 

Remus turns and pushes himself up on the footboard. Sirius is hidden underneath his – her, Remus feels certain – blanket, just a flash of dark hair poking out onto the pillow. ‘Come on,’ he says. ‘We have to go to class.’

 

‘No way,’ Sirius says. ‘I’m going to wait this out.’

 

‘Wait it out wanking,’ James mutters and Sirius snaps, ‘We’re not all perverts like you, Potter.’

 

‘Come on out of there,’ Peter coaxes. ‘I’m sure you’re a very good looking girl.’

 

‘Is that supposed to make me feel better?’

 

‘Please come out,’ Remus says, panic creeping down his spine. ‘I can’t go out there alone.’

 

There’s a pause and a rustling. Then Sirius says, ‘I’ll only come out if James and Peter leave.’

 

Remus turns to the other two and jerks a thumb at the door. ‘Get out.’

 

‘We have to get ready for the day!’ Peter protests.

 

‘Do it fast,’ Remus snaps. ‘God knows neither of you has an extensive toilette.’

 

‘I hate you,’ James says.

 

‘No,’ Remus says, threateningly jiggling his breasts at him, ‘you don’t. And don’t you forget,’ he adds, as James gapes, ‘that this is all. Your. Fault.’

 

He waits until the other two have gotten their clothing on and brushed their teeth and are about to go out the door, keeping an eye on the rather smaller-than-normal Sirius-shaped lump under the blanket to make sure he doesn’t do a runner.

 

‘So, uh,’ Peter says, ‘I guess we’ll, uh, see you downstairs.’

 

‘Can you please,’ Remus says, taking a deep breath, and thinking that his fellow prefect is probably their best hope, ‘ask Lily to come up here? And maybe bring Marlene, or Mary or something?’

 

‘I’m not telling Lily what happened,’ James says, going white to the tips of his ears, but Remus shakes his head at him and says, ‘You lost your immunity when you lied to us.’

 

‘I had no idea this would happen,’ James moans, so Remus ignores him and looks to Peter.

 

‘All right,’ Peter says. ‘I’ll get her. Come on, James,’ he adds, dragging James out the door while James shakes his head at Remus and puts his hands together in begging position.

 

Remus glares, unmoved, until the door shuts behind them. Then he turns to Sirius and says, ‘All right, the coast is clear.’

 

Sirius pushes back the blanket and looks up at Remus, his eyes enormous. He has a delicate-looking face with high, pronounced cheekbones and full red lips; there’s no trace of stubble or an Adam’s apple, but otherwise he looks enough like Sirius that Remus thinks he can deal with the situation.

 

‘Come on,’ Remus says bracingly. ‘We did our bad deed, we have to accept the punishment. I suspect it will wear off by the end of the day.’ He reaches out and pulls the blankets down further. Sirius appears to have been gifted with small, perky breasts. _Of course_ , Remus thinks, _Sirius would get the best body_.

 

‘I hate James,’ Sirius says savagely.

 

‘I don’t think he knew this would happen,’ Remus says wearily. There’s a knock at the door and he calls out – his voice so alien to his ears – ‘Come in!’

 

Lily opens the door with Mary behind her. The two of them peek in and then Lily’s hand flies up to cover her mouth as Mary’s jaw drops.

 

‘Help?’ Remus suggests.

 

‘Peter said you triggered the spell by breaking into the girls’ dormitory last night,’ Lily says. ‘But… wow, I just did not expect it to be this… wow.’

 

‘Thanks for the vote of confidence,’ Remus says. ‘Can you help us out? I think this will wear off quickly but we do have to be presentable.’

 

‘I’m not going outside,’ Sirius declares, dragging the blanket back up to his chin. ‘I’m staying right here.’

 

‘Sirius,’ Remus says, trying to sound reasonable over rising panic, ‘we have to go to class. NEWTs are coming up in two months. We can’t lose time for studying just because of some silly hex.’

 

Sirius stares at him, incredulous. ‘I’m a bloody _girl_!’ he shrieks. ‘Some silly hex? I have tits! I don’t have a penis!’

 

‘Pull it together, Black,’ Lily says. ‘Sounds like you’ve hit the jackpot to me.’

 

‘We’ll fix you up,’ Mary says, looking at Remus with her lips twitching. ‘Don’t worry.’

 

‘We will,’ Lily confirms, ‘but we’re also going to have to tell McGonagall.’

 

Remus sighs. ‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘I figured.’ He pauses, a thought occurring to him. ‘Uhm, how do I go to the bathroom with this, er, equipment?’

 

***

Lily and Mary, along with the other four girls of Gryffindor seventh year, manage to pool their resources to put together two complete uniforms. Remus has to borrow a bra from Marlene, who has been known privately to the Marauders for four years as ‘Big Knockers McKinnon’, and even that doesn’t quite contain the situation that has happened on Remus’s chest. He’s actually getting a bit of a backache from it, which Marlene is very sympathetic to. Mary performs a charm to extend his hair so that Remus suddenly has longer wavy brown hair that Mary puts in a ponytail for him. Then Lily offers him some makeup and he shakes his head, horrified.

 

‘C’mon,’ Lily says, holding out some kind of black tube. ‘It’ll make those lips pop.’

 

‘You’re a really cute girl, Remus,’ Mary says, adjusting his tie. ‘You shouldn’t be too worried.’

 

Remus looks at himself in the mirror, not sure about that. He still has the same crooked nose and the same dark circles under his eyes as he always does. ‘Thanks,’ he says. ‘I think. How’s Sirius?’

 

Sirius still had not emerged from the bed by the time that Remus had let the girls lead him away; he knows that Lily had eventually coaxed him out of bed, but hasn’t seen him in female form since.

 

‘Oh,’ Lily says with a sigh, ‘he’s – she’s – you know, Sirius.’

 

‘So probably the most gorgeous girl in the school?’ Remus asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

‘I don’t know how to feel about that,’ says a fluttering, posh voice from the door, and Remus looks up in the mirror and sees girl Sirius. Someone has lengthened his hair so that it is arranged perfectly over his shoulders in twin plaits; his fringe sweeps to one side and dangles down around one ear, cupping his face, which is fashion-model beautiful. The uniform someone has found for him of course fits like it was tailored to his subtle curves and is highlighting that his breasts are the perfect size and shape to fit inside of Remus’s hands.  

 

‘Well, you look incredible,’ Remus says shortly, because he’s not sure why he’s bothering to reassure Sirius that his womanly form is nice when this is a temporary hex and he’ll be damned if he admits that this vision of Sirius is probably going to haunt his wanking dreams for the rest of his life.

 

***

McGonagall doesn’t even give them the courtesy of pretending not to be amused. She takes one look at them, heads hanging as they march into her office behind Lily, and her lips start twitching.

 

‘My only regret,’ she says once they’ve told the story, ‘is that it wasn’t all four of you seventh year Gryffindor boys. There’s a reason why those spells are in place. Andrea Artorius, Gryffindor prefect from 1964 to 1967, wanted the boys to have an experience that would make them more feminist if they were breaking into the girls’ dormitories. Congratulations. You’re the first to learn this lesson. The rumours of the spell kept everyone else away.’

 

Remus thinks this is all terribly unfair, because if any one of the Gryffindor boys is a feminist, it’s him. He would never have been breaking into the girls’ dormitories if it hadn’t been for the purpose of helping out James, who had sworn up and down that this rumoured hex didn’t exist. Beside him, Sirius makes a miserable little noise.

 

‘How long will it last?’ Remus asks.

 

‘Four days,’ McGonagall says. Sirius gets a look of distinct panic and Remus takes a deep breath. ‘Professor – ‘

 

‘I’m sorry Mr Lupin,’ she says, though she sounds not at all sorry. ‘There’s nothing I can do.’ She waves her hand. ‘Class is starting.’

 

***

Sirius Black is deeply confused. The whole woman’s body thing is interesting from an academic, transfiguration problem standpoint – not that he’d (she’d) ever admit that he’s (she’s) excited about an academic topic to anyone, but he (she) is actually fascinated by everything transfiguration. And this has a whiff of the excitement of becoming an Animagus about it: the shapeshifting, the learning a new body, the essence of self still there but the form changing to something made of new possibilities. Of course it isn’t a permanent change, which is probably why he – she – isn’t panicking.

 

But. There’s Remus.   

 

Remus has always had a dark allure to Sirius, one that he hasn’t probed because he’s not sure he really wants to go down that road, but suddenly he’s started probing it like he would a painful tooth, because Remus is a beautiful woman and he had looked at Sirius this morning like he wanted to eat him alive. And that thought is doing things to him that he’s not sure he’s ever going to be ready to confront.

 

He puts his head into his hands in class and tries to think this through. He’s been getting a lot of abuse already today – catcalls, someone had pinched his arse, someone else had made a rude gesture in the direction of his not particularly impressive breasts – and he’s definitely starting to get the message about feminism intended by the hex-maker. But. He also can’t get that look on Remus’s face out of his mind.

 

‘Sirius,’ Lily whispers, leaning across the desk in Potions, ‘are you ok?’

 

Sirius shakes his head dismissively. He knows that he’s supposed to be helping Lily with their potion but he can’t concentrate on a damn thing. He’s wearing a bra, for Christ’s sake.

 

Lily reaches out and takes Sirius’s hand, which is a weird enough thing to do, and then she leans over and whispers, ‘Let’s go to the loo, shall we?’

 

‘Uhm,’ Sirius says, confused. ‘Why?’

 

‘So we can talk,’ she says, her eyebrows obviously trying to convey a certain significance.

 

‘When?’ Sirius asks. Lily smiles mysteriously at him and beckons him to follow her out of the classroom.

 

‘Isn’t Slughorn going to, I don’t know, stop us?’ Sirius hisses as they walk out the door.

 

Lily shakes her head. ‘None of the male teachers will ever stop girls from going to the toilets whenever they want,’ she says. ‘Visions of us throwing tampons at them or something, I imagine.’

 

Sirius is deeply impressed by the deviousness of this. ‘Not fair,’ he says.

 

‘When you’ve bled from your vagina for five days, we can talk,’ Lily informs him, and Sirius freezes, the horror of the possibility suddenly arising, as Lily pushes the door to the girl’s toilets open and then reaches back, grabs Sirius by the hand, and pulls him inside the small, damp room. She releases Sirius’s hand and goes to the mirror, taking a small makeup bag out of her purse and starting to reapply lipstick.

 

 ‘Do you think that’s going to happen to me?’ Sirius asks.

 

Lily glances over her shoulder and grins. ‘No, I don’t. Marlene and I looked it up this morning. The spell isn’t _that_ advanced.’

 

‘Well I definitely have all the, uhm, parts. And none of the ones I used to,’ Sirius says.

 

‘Do they work?’ Lily asks casually.

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

‘Like, think you could have sex with them?’

 

Sirius has not even contemplated this idea, but now that it’s in his head, it’s not coming out again. ‘I’m not sure.’

 

Lily laughs. ‘Well, I think that if I were you, I would be playing with them out of curiosity. I’m kind of jealous! It would be interesting to know what it felt like to be a man. Just for a few days, I mean. It’s kind of a blessing.’

 

Sirius shakes his head and walks over to lean against the counter beside Lily. ‘My head’s kind of spinning,’ he admits. He watches as Lily outlines her lips with the lipstick and then rubs them together, making kissy faces at herself in the mirror. Her lips look beautiful. Sirius twists to look at himself (herself) in the mirror: his (her) own lips look so boring and drab next to Lily’s. He gets an idea.

 

‘Hey, Lily?’

 

She looks at him in the mirror. ‘Yeah?’

 

Sirius takes a deep breath, torn between being scared and nervous excitement. ‘Think you could teach me how to do that?’

 

Lily looks surprised for a second, but then her face softens. Sirius can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not, and keeps holding her breath. Then Lily says, ‘Of course.’

 

She teaches Sirius how to delicately outline his eyes, and how to apply mascara so his eyelashes look thick and long. She teaches him how to make foundation look natural, just a touch at various places rather than caked on, and then how to use a few strokes of pale pink blush to outline his naturally high cheekbones. Finally, she teaches him how to apply lipstick so that his lips pop out, looking bigger and fuller than before.

 

‘It’s like putting on your battle armour,’ Sirius says wonderingly, looking at himself (herself) in the mirror.

 

‘Exactly,’ Lily says. ‘Now, you can do anything. No one can hurt you.’

 

Sirius imitates Lily’s kissy face. ‘This is kind of fun,’ he admits.

 

‘You know what would look amazing?’ Lily asks. ‘If we pierced your ears. And then you could wear big dangling earrings.’

 

Sirius puts a hand to his earlobe and says, ‘Really?’

 

‘Let’s try it,’ Lily suggests. She takes out her wand and removes her own earrings, holding them up. ‘This will hurt just a bit, I promise,’ she says.

 

‘Ok,’ Sirius says, and there’s a pinch, but it’s not too bad, and then he’s wearing Lily’s silver earrings with their little purple stones. It looks really good. Sirius can’t stop staring into the mirror. He says, ‘You were right.’

 

‘You look amazing,’ Lily says. ‘Not fair.’

 

Sirius smiles, liking the way his lips look with the pink lipstick. ‘It’s amazing what inbreeding will do for the genetics.’

 

Lily laughs. ‘I like that you’re willing to go along with this, Black,’ she says. ‘Hidden depths, all that.’

 

Sirius shrugs. ‘There’s something fun about it, like putting on fancy dress at Halloween. You know I never do anything by half measures.’

 

Lily looks at Sirius through her eyelashes and says, ‘So, why were you guys breaking into the girls’ dormitory?’

 

Sirius keeps staring at himself in the mirror. He wonders what Remus will think. ‘James was supposed to do something, but he couldn’t make it in time, so I said I’d do it for him. And then I didn’t want to go alone so I asked Remus to come with me.’

 

‘And he said yes?’ Lily asks. She reaches out and undoes the bottom halves of Sirius’s plaits, so that half of his hair hangs in crimped-looking curls. ‘There, I think that looks good.’

 

‘I pretty much begged,’ Sirius admits. He had had very little desire to go into the girls’ dormitory alone. He runs his hand down the crimped hair, enjoying the texture. ‘Thanks.’

 

‘But what was James supposed to do?’ Lily asks, and then the door swings open and Remus walks in.

 

Remus seems to have developed some kind of hip swing, Sirius notices, when he walks. It’s seriously sexy, which is seriously disturbing. He has his wavy brown hair back in a very sensible but messy bun, and his sleeves rolled up, revealing slender, pale forearms. And unlike Peter and James, Sirius thinks that Remus’s best feature as a woman is not his… endowments… but his pretty face. Sirius stares a fraction too long, and then Remus looks up and catches him staring.

 

‘So here’s where you two ran off to,’ Remus says, blinking at Sirius. ‘Sirius, c’mon, you can’t abandon me like that.’ Remus gestures helplessly towards his chest. ‘I need protection in the halls.’

 

***

That night, lying in bed, Remus listens for the others to make their sleeping noises – or at least the noises that they make when they are pretending to sleep, at which point Remus feels certain that he has done his due diligence and should be allowed to wank with abandon – and then very carefully rolls onto his side and slides a hand down into his knickers. He’s determined to figure out this female body. It’s a learning experience, after all, nothing more.

 

He can’t decide if he’s going to admit to himself that Sirius is the sexiest woman he’s ever seen. The whole makeup thing, well, it had caused something of a sensation but Sirius had pulled it off so well that most of the people who would have made comments instead had looked sort of embarrassed and confused.

 

Remus wishes that Sirius had a sister or something, but then again, she’d probably be an insane Pureblood who isn’t interested in werewolves with Muggle mums anyway. Remus imagines himself saying to this gorgeous woman, ‘Date me to upset your parents,’ and her laughing, a barking laugh, just like her brother’s, and then reaching out to stroke his face. Then she’d let him step close, kiss her hard, while cupping her perfect breasts… Under his hand, he feels his new body start to loosen, opening up with a feeling much like the arousal he already knows. He can’t quite figure out how to get himself off though, and the fantasy goes on much longer than it normally would, the feeling of being on the edge almost painfully sharp as he imagines lifting up woman Sirius’s – or rather, of course, Sirius’s sister, because he’s not really thinking about Sirius, right? – shirt and bending down to find her nipples, pink against her flawless, pale skin – because Sirius without a shirt has the flesh of an aristocrat, so pale as to be almost translucent, the hint of veins bearing blue blood just beneath the surface – and then going down further, lifting her skirt, inhaling her scent. And then Sirius – uhm, Sirius’s sister, who he could just call Sirius for sanity’s sake – though that would be the opposite of sanity – runs her hands up underneath Remus’s shirt and cups his ample breasts and starts sucking enthusiastically at his sensitive nipples. Remus has a second to pause and reflect that maybe he shouldn’t be so excited by having female parts in this dream, but he tweaks one of his nipples and it feels so good that he almost moans aloud.

 

And by the time that Remus gives up, frustrated and with his hand sticky, he has forgotten the distinction between his new body and old, and the fiction of who exactly it is he wants to get him off. He lies in bed, face buried in the pillow, attempting not to whine in frustration, and _aches_ to crawl into Sirius’s bed and rub their bodies together in an unspecified way until the world explodes in a burst of sound and light. And then he’d fall asleep, face buried against Sirius’s warm shoulder, one hand over one of his perfect breasts, breathing in the scent of sex.

 

Remus is still mortified but indescribably horny when he falls asleep.

 

***

Sirius has determined that the sexual tension with Remus is probably going to kill him, if being trapped in a woman’s body for four days doesn’t first.

 

Every time they touch, Sirius feels like he’s being shocked with electricity. At lunch Remus’s thigh slides against his and since they’re just wearing skirts and knee socks the touch is shockingly sensual. Sirius stares at Remus while he chews on his pen in Transfiguration; he can’t look away from those full lips and the little glimpses of tongue. In Care of Magical Creatures Remus hands him their lab book and the touch of his cold fingers is enough to start Sirius feeling damp in the nether regions of his new body. When James and Peter peel off for Muggle Studies – Remus having been exempted because of his Muggle mother, and Sirius because of a letter his father had written to Professor McGonagall whose very memory has the power to make her lips narrow in anger – Sirius spends the entirety of their revising time in the library wasted because he sits too near Remus in the library and thinks of nothing but touching him.

 

The most disturbing thing is probably that girl Remus is so very similar, in so many ways, to boy Remus. Sirius feels like he’s been missing something enormous for years and years, something which he absolutely should have noticed. Remus’s fingerless gloves that he wears for Care of Magical Creatures are the same ones he always wears for classes outside; his thigh is the same muscular line down his body; his face, which Sirius finds so pretty, is almost exactly the same as his masculine one, if Sirius really thinks about it.

 

And from there Sirius gets on to a whole new category of thought he’s been having, which has to do with the body and what makes a body belong to a person, and why he can be a dog sometimes and a person some other times and whether being a boy or a girl person is such a big difference as being a dog or a human person and if Moony counts as a human person or a werewolf person or a person who is sometimes a wolf but sometimes a human. He (she) has no idea, but he (she) does know that he (she) feels exactly the same as a girl person as he (she) always did in a boy person’s body. He suspects that other people do not feel this way, but for him (her), already having breached one boundary of his (her) physicality at such a young age, this isn’t threatening any conceptions he (she) has about who he (she) is.

 

Well, except for that pesky part where he (she) is increasingly obsessed with Remus’s body, which he (she) is coming to suspect is actually just being obsessed with Remus. And that’s a terrifying thought.

 

Not that Remus won’t be nice about it – Remus is nice about everything – but Sirius can sense in his person, regardless of physical form, a deep reluctance to be too attached to anyone or anything for long. Sirius feels like he (she) is on the edge of a cliff here, and if he (she) falls, Remus is, in short, going to freak out. Not to mention James and Peter.

 

Then Remus looks up from his revising and his eyes glitter at Sirius and he smiles with that perfect mouth and says something intelligent and funny and Sirius can’t think straight about anything. Remus stands up and leans over the table to pick up a book and Sirius sees the dangerous curves of his breasts and goes dry in the mouth and wet elsewhere. He (she) wonders if it’s the hormones, then wonders if that’s sexist, then decides that he (she) might just go crazy before this all wears off – go crazy, that is, and wind up snogging Remus.

 

***

On the fourth day of Having Become Girls, however, it is Remus who goes a little bit crazy first.

 

He doesn’t see Sirius until it’s too late. He’s rushing through the halls, bookbag clutched over his chest, trying to avoid everyone – as the shock has worn off, the school bullies have been getting a lot meaner – and he almost runs Sirius down on the stairs heading towards Arithmancy.

 

‘Sorry,’ he says, uncomfortably aware that he had almost grabbed Sirius’s breast to catch himself.

 

‘Are you ok?’ Sirius asks. He’s looking stunning as usual; his perfect nose gets a little scrunched when he frowns and it makes Remus want to do such filthy things that he can’t actually conceptualise them, just feel weird that he wants them.

 

‘Ugh,’ Remus says, ‘you know.’ He gestures at his chest. ‘The usual.’

 

‘Who was it?’ Sirius demands, suddenly all bared teeth and clenched fists. Remus hesitates and Sirius’s glares. ‘Tell me, Remus,’ he says, and it sounds unbelievably fierce in his female voice. ‘I’m in the mood to get in a fight.’

 

Remus shakes his head wearily, trying to disguise how much Sirius’s desire to fight someone for him is a turn on. ‘I’m just sick of the comments, you know?’ he asks. ‘I never ever wanted to be the centre of anyone’s attention and now every boy in the school can’t stop staring and saying things and trying to, to, I don’t know, grab.’ He sighs. ‘And it’s just weird because they know it’s me, and I know it’s me, and we all know its temporary. So every man on the Gryffindor Quidditch team suddenly announcing they have a song about my tits, well, it shouldn’t bother me, but,’ he sighs again, ‘fuck, Sirius, it just does.’

 

Sirius practically growls. ‘We’re going to sort this out,’ he announces, reaching out and taking Remus’s hand. He drags Remus to the hallway by the classroom, where James and Peter are waiting for class to start.

 

‘Listen,’ Sirius snaps, forgoing preamble, ‘you need to, to, I don’t know, speak with someone. About respecting women. With the men of the Quidditch team, for one.’

 

‘Are you joking?’ James asks. ‘How on earth do you want me to do that?’

 

‘You could be our girlfriends,’ Peter suggests, clearly trying to be gallant. ‘Then people would have to respect you or, you know, face our wrath.’

 

‘No way,’ James says. ‘I’m not snogging one of you.’

 

Remus is at the end of his tether. ‘You’d be lucky to get it,’ he snaps.

 

Peter is horrified. ‘No no no,’ he says, ‘I didn’t mean _really_. Just, like, for you protection.’

 

‘Hm,’ James says, cocking his head. Remus feels like a piece of meat at a market. ‘Can I have the cute one?’

 

Sirius snorts and tosses his silky black hair. ‘I think I’m more _beautiful_ than _cute,_ ’ he snaps.

 

‘I meant Remus,’ James says. He’s giving Remus a look that Remus decides he is very uncomfortable with. ‘Remus, now there’s a fittie.’

 

‘Wait, that means _I_ have to date Sirius,’ Peter says, plaintively. ‘This was my idea, I should get first choice. And I want Remus.’

 

‘What the hell is wrong with me?’ Sirius demands, looking borderline murderous.

 

‘You’re just, kind of um.’ Peter stops, clearly at a loss.

 

‘Scary,’ James supplies. ‘You look like a cross between your mum and your cousin Bellatrix.’

 

Remus thinks that’s pretty uncalled for; Sirius has gone completely red in the face but instead of looking angry, he looks close to tears. Remus starts to say something but he’s interrupted by Peter saying, ‘Plus, Remus has really, really nice tits.’

 

All four of them look down at Remus’s chest, where, underneath his white shirt, the two tits in question are currently straining to break free from the constraints of buttons and cotton. James is reaching out to touch one of them for the umpteenth time when Sirius looks up, teeth bared, and snarls, ‘We are not your perverted sexual playthings, Potter,’ grabs Remus’s arm, and drags him into the nearest girl’s loo.

 

***

They wind up in a stall, with the door shut, and Sirius attempting to pace in a box one foot square.

 

‘This has gone on long enough,’ he declares shrilly. ‘I’m sick to death of this. I don’t want to be a woman any more. I don’t want you to be a woman any more. I want this to be over.’

 

Remus slumps back against the wall of the stall and says, ‘Yeah, me too.’

 

Sirius rounds on him and says, ‘And you know the worst part?’

 

‘The knickers?’ Remus suggests. ‘Lace is itchy.’

 

‘The worst part is that I haven’t even got to have sex or something with this body.’

 

Remus laughs, startled. ‘Haven’t you, I don’t know, wanked?’

 

Sirius hesitates. ‘I couldn’t really figure it out,’ he mutters. ‘I mean, I kind of tried. But I couldn’t quite make it work.’

 

‘Oh,’ Remus says. He carefully doesn’t look at Sirius, especially not at his perfect breasts or the pale line of his perfect neck. The introduction of sex into this conversation has derailed any other thoughts he might have had.

 

‘Did you?’ Sirius asks, stopping pacing.

 

‘Uhm,’ says Remus. ‘Just, I mean, sure, I tried it out.’ He chances a quick look up and sees Sirius staring at him intently through perfectly outlined and mascaraed eyes. He ducks his head down again. ‘It sort of worked.’

 

Sirius is silent for so long that Remus looks up again.

 

‘Was that too much information?’ he asks, nervous. He feels sweat starting in strange places, like under and between his breasts.

 

‘I…’ Sirius looks mortified. ‘I mean.’ He pauses, then seems to come to a decision. He asks, ‘Ever done something with someone you really shouldn’t have?’

 

Remus goes cold, horrified. _Sirius knows about Lily last Valentine’s Day_ , he thinks. _I am well and truly fucked if he tells James_. ‘Uhm…’

 

‘I just,’ Sirius says, and now he’s the one staring hard at the floor, ‘you know, have a lot of cousins.’

 

Remus blinks, realising that Sirius is not in fact talking about the somewhat awkward and definitely unspeakable things that he had done with Lily when they were both pretending to be tipsier than they really were last Valentine’s Day. A beat later, he realises that Sirius is confessing to having pulled one of his copious cousins. ‘Oh,’ he says. ‘Oh, that’s very, uhm.’

 

‘Yeah,’ Sirius says. ‘But it was just, you know, I mean, it was really awkward. Family Christmas party, too much port, you know the drill. And beyond that, I haven’t really, uhm, done anything with anyone. So I don’t, you know, know too much about how it works.’

 

Remus clears his throat. This is certainly an interesting tidbit of information given how loudly Sirius talks about being a god to women. ‘I don’t, actually,’ he says. ‘Know the drill, that is.’ Sirius looks up, and Remus has a second to appreciate how perfectly his dark hair tumbles onto his small breasts. Sirius looks utterly lost and miserable, which for some reason is making Remus want to do anything to stop that, so he decides to throw caution to the wind, and he says, ‘But I have done something. With someone I shouldn’t have.’

 

‘Yeah?’ Sirius asks, sounding a little bit hopeful.

 

‘Yeah,’ says Remus. He takes a deep breath and steps closer to Sirius without thinking about it. ‘Lily. About a year ago. It wasn’t – I mean, it didn’t get too far. We didn’t go all the way.’

 

‘Wow,’ Sirius says, mouth open in a perfectly stunned ‘oh’, his lips looking soft and red and a little bit chapped where he – it’s a habit he’s had for years, why is Remus just noticing it now? – perpetually chews at the bottom one. ‘I guess we probably shouldn’t tell James, huh?’

 

Remus shakes his head, suddenly seeing very clearly what he wants and also thinking optimistically that he might be able to get it. Sirius is licking his lips and leaning against the door of the stall, but his head is tilted forward. ‘My point,’ Remus says, his voice huskier than he’d intended, feeling warmth spreading down between his legs, a feeling both exhilaratingly new and comfortingly familiar, ‘is that I don’t have much experience, but,’ and here he puts one hand up on the wooden stall door, so that it’s right beside Sirius’s exquisite face, and Sirius’s eyes are going wide, he’s licking his lips again with a perfect little pink tongue that is doing things to Remus’s brain, ‘I would love to get some.’ Remus closes the final distance and kisses Sirius, scooping his hands around the base of his skull, into that long, thick, luxurious hair, threading his fingers through it, feeling how silky it is, and how soft Sirius’s skin is, along the line of his neck, which Remus is cupping in his hands and stroking as Sirius moans and shifts so that suddenly his breasts press up against Remus’s. The feeling is electric; Remus feels bizarrely tingly between his thighs as he pushes Sirius further against the door, and Sirius’s mouth is so soft, his tongue is so warm and agile and the way he kisses is like the world is ending, frantic and needy. His hands land on Remus’s hips and grip right at the hem of his skirt and Remus moans back and rubs up against him, their breasts pressed together so tightly it’s almost painful now, they’re so tender and the nipples are so sensitive and –

 

Someone opens the door to the girls’ toilets and Sirius shoves Remus backwards so fast that he trips over the toilet’s edge and sits down hard on the seat.

 

‘And so then,’ someone is saying, voice low, obviously not wanting to be overheard, ‘I gave him a blowie.’

 

‘Did you really?’ another girl asks. They sound younger than seventh years, but other than that Remus has no idea who they are. He looks at Sirius, wide-eyed, and Sirius, face bright red and chest heaving – fuck, that’s distracting – jerks his hands up, indicating that Remus should pull his legs up so no one sees two pairs of feet in the stall. Remus does so as quietly and quickly as possible, hugging his knees to his chest, feeling the press of his nipples against his thighs. His skirt has lifted and he realises from the sudden rush of cool air pressing against _that area_ that his knickers are very damp. He looks up and sees that Sirius is staring down at him with a dazed look. Sirius, who is wearing a skirt that suddenly seems much too long over a pair of extremely shapely legs which Remus can now remember him shaving under Marlene’s tutelage. He bets they feel just as silky as his hair.

 

_Get a hold of yourself, Lupin, before you do something you regret_ , his brain snaps, but it’s really hard to concentrate when he can actually tell that Sirius is aroused from his position as a werewolf with an acute sense of smell sitting at waist level.

 

The two girls – the _other_ two girls – continue to chatter. His cock this, his cock that, but Remus does not give a shit. Cocks are very low on his priority list right now. The girls sound like they’re near the sinks. He tries to take silent, short breaths, but even the act of trying not to think about how aroused he is is making him more aroused, until his entire being seems focused on this damp throbbing that is so sensitive it’s almost painful exposed to the air but he doesn’t dare set his feet down on the ground. Then Sirius steps forward, also obviously trying to be silent, and puts one hand onto Remus’s calf. Remus goes still, because Sirius’s hand is wrapped around his leg and his fingers are actual centimetres from this place between his legs that is suddenly the centre of the entire universe. Sirius isn’t looking down at him, but Remus looks up, so he can see that Sirius is staring at the wall with a look of intense concentration. He’s biting that lower lip again. Almost imperceptibly, he slides the hand around the calf and then onto the underside of Remus’s raised thigh. Remus is so wet he’s convinced he’ll have to abandon the knickers, but then he’s afraid that he’ll drip everywhere every time Sirius looks sideways at him, which he has been doing with increasing frequency. How can girls just wear skirts? How can they possibly deal with this?

 

Sirius’s hand slides down further and stops, fingers hovering right over Remus’s knickers and he wonders if this is what coming feels like for a girl, vaguely embarrassed that even Sirius’s fingers being in the vicinity has made him come, but there’s no release, just an endless acute aching tension. Sirius’s breath is coming in short little gasps that he’s obviously trying to regulate; Remus shuts his eyes knowing that about Sirius means that he can’t breathe, he can’t think, he has to focus on this, just this, his hands gripping around his knees but spreading his legs wider open, so that when Sirius’s fingers finally ghost down and stroke across the slightly thicker fabric of the crotch of his knickers, he feels wide open, like Sirius’s touch is going to reach inside of him and spread him out and make this unending tension melt away into a sweet memory. Sirius strokes again, incredibly gentle, and when Remus puts him own hand into him mouth and bites down to stop from begging Sirius seems to take that as an invitation and, hand shaking, slides an already-slick index finger around the elastic of Remus’s knickers and up inside of him. Remus convulses, torn between wanting to grind down and wanting to not make a sound, and then they hear the distant tolling of a bell. Sirius jumps back and Remus almost cries out at the ache of sudden emptiness.

 

‘That’s lunch gone,’ says one of the other girls. ‘We’d better get to Transfiguration.’

 

‘Oh, _he’ll_ be there,’ says the other, and they exit, giggling.

 

Remus stands, legs shaky, and says, ‘Uhm…’

 

‘Yeah,’ Sirius whispers. He has his finger in his mouth and is sucking on it. Remus realises that it is the finger that was just inside of him and shivers. Everything between his legs feels absurdly swollen, and his inner thighs are sticky.

 

‘We should go to class,’ he says, dazed. ‘You know.’

 

Sirius nods. ‘Yeah.’ And then he turns, unlocks the stall door, and walks away without looking back.

***

 

Sirius is sitting in class with his hand pressed up against his face, hoping he doesn’t look weird. Remus smells – smelled – incredible. It’s not a smell like anything else. Sirius has never even gotten beyond touching some breasts before and now one chance at Remus and suddenly he’s an obsessed sexual deviant who can’t stop imagining burying his face in the hot space between Remus’s thighs, sucking on those soaked knickers to get the smell and the taste all over his face. He wants Remus to sit on his mouth, to put his tongue inside of that hot warm wetness and…

 

Nothing good is going to come of thinking about this in History of Magic. Sirius is so aroused that he finds himself eyeing the portrait of Wanda the Wonk-Eyed lustfully. Then he gets a note from Lily.

 

_So I don’t want to raise any alarms but Remus is staring at you like he/she wants to actually eat you._

Sirius shoots a quick glance at Remus, who has his head propped up on one hand and is indeed looking directly at Sirius. It makes Sirius think about fucking in a non-specific way – just lots of friction and touching and wetness. He writes back one word to Lily.

 

_eeeeeee_

 

Lily’s response is swift.

 

_You two have been building up to this, huh?_

 

Sirius shifts in his seat and takes a deep breath. The touch of his thighs together is amazing. He’s used to having something blocking them from touching but now they are pressed close together and they’re sticky and he’s short of breath. He writes back, hand shaking,

 

_You did say if it was you, you’d be trying it out with your new body_

 

_Yes. But with Remus? Isn’t that going to violate some kind of weird boy code?_

 

Sirius wonders. It probably is. He doesn’t care. Remus started it. He’ll testify to that in a court of law. He’s been resisting this for days even though he’s been waking up from sticky, itchy, needy dreams every single morning. And then Remus kissed him. Remus ran his fingers through his new long hair and stroked his body like he would drown if he didn’t. Remus cupped his head and kissed him like the world was on fire. Binns is saying something about goblins and James has just thrown a note at him and Remus is still looking at him, eyes heavy-lidded, sensual, that full mouth that Sirius wants to taste and taste…

 

_It’s too late_ he writes, feeling completely out of control, sending it back to her and opening James’s note.

 

_YOU AND LILY ARE PASSING NOTES?!_

 

_calm down_ , Sirius writes back, _we’re talking about boys_

_Fuck off Padfoot what are you talking about_

Annoyed, Sirius writes back, _BOYS, I fucking well told you_

 

_Ok, well,_ Lily writes back, _I hope you know what you’re doing. Pandora’s Box and all that._

Sirius gets annoyed at that too. Does Lily think he doesn’t think things through? Ignoring the fact that she almost certainly does think that, he writes back, _He’s a fantastic kisser, as you should know, Evans_

James’s next note says, _is it me_

 

Beside him, Sirius sees Lily purse her lips as she reads the note. He writes back to James, _NOPE_

 

Lily’s next note slides onto his desk. _Best I’ve ever kissed. Why am I not surprised that you know that? Both about that happening and about the fact that he’s a good kisser. Does Potter know?_

_What the hell?_ James demands. _Does she fancy someone else? How are you suddenly her best friend instead of MINE? Why aren’t you telling me about this?_

 

Peter slides a note onto his desk. _What are you all talking about? Why are you not talking to me about it?_

 

Sirius writes back to Peter, _ask James! He started it!_ , and then writes back to James, _Womanly wisdom, so it’s your own fault_ , and then writes back to Lily, _Potter has no idea. I just found out today. About both things._ He hesitates and then adds, _It’s driving me crazy. The kissing thing._

 

Lily’s response is swift. _Here’s a tip: try clenching your thighs when your legs are crossed._

 

Sirius isn’t sure what that means but surreptitiously crosses his legs under his desk, then tugs his skirt out from between them – he hasn’t exactly mastered women’s clothing yet – and then, after a few tries, figures out what Lily is suggesting when he feels something completely electric. He takes a deep breath and tries to focus on the blackboard. Binns rarely writes anything because he has a hard time holding onto the chalk with his spectral hands, so instead it has a map tacked to it which shows the battle lines from a long-forgotten war. The lines look like the curves of Remus’s new body. Sirius clenches his thighs again and shifts a little in his seat and oh fuck he shouldn’t be doing this in class but…

 

Remus suddenly reaches out and snatches Lily’s latest note off his desk. Sirius grabs for it but Remus already has it open. Panicking, Sirius sees him read it, eyes getting wider, and then Remus tears a piece of parchment off of his usually neat notes, writes something, and passes it to Sirius. Nervous, legs still pressed together under his desk, thighs sticky, he opens it and reads,

 

_Shrieking Shack, tonight at 8 pm? We’ll ‘borrow’ the cloak and map._

 

Sirius inhales and bites his lip, glances to his left and sees Lily smirking at him; glances to his right and sees Remus raise an eyebrow at him. Remus looks nervous too. Heart pounding, Sirius nods.

 

It’s going to be a long day.

 

***

Snape has been almost beside himself with glee over the transformation of two of the Marauders, and to avoid a fight – James having declared a moratorium on fighting because Lily doesn’t like it when they do, which Peter and Remus readily agreed to and which Sirius periodically doesn’t quite maintain – they have been avoiding him as well as they can in a fairly small school where the Gryffindors share two of their classes with the Slytherins. The lack of engagement over the issue has led Snape to new heights of nasty comments and casual bullying, and now, on the evening of day four, with their return to their masculine bodies imminent, he is clearly feeling frustrated. The four of them are eating dinner – Sirius and Remus on opposite sides of the table, alternately seeking out the other’s feet with their own and then flinching when they touch – when Snape and another Slytherin approach them, talking loudly.

 

Later, Remus can’t even recall what exactly Snape says at this point, but it is about him, and how he looks as a woman, and therefore presumably about his breasts, which are the most notable thing that has ever happened to him, and before he has even really registered what is happening, Sirius has flown out of his seat and put his wand straight into Snape’s chest.

 

‘Sirius,’ James gasps, shocked. Duelling is completely forbidden at Hogwarts and is more harshly punished the older they get – for seventh years, it can be an expellable offence. Then James is out of his seat too, staggering a little as he gets over the bench, and is trying to restrain Sirius, whose wand arm is shaking as he yells at Snape, his voice higher than normal but strong, ‘You fucking say that again!’

 

Snape smiles as Remus looks on in horror. It’s clear to everyone in the room that either James has to get Sirius to put his wand away or all Snape has to do is wait and Sirius will be in incredible trouble. Remus can feel the entire school watching, and with a sick feeling he knows that most of them just want to see Sirius do it because it will be entertaining, regardless of the consequences.

 

 ‘C’mon,’ James is saying, and he manages to pull Sirius away, Remus is sure because girl Sirius isn’t quite as strong as boy Sirius, or else James never would have succeeded. James takes his wand and starts to say something, but he’s interrupted by Snape, who hisses, ‘What’s the matter, Black, you and your ugly girlfriend Lupin not _man_ enough to go through with it?’

 

Remus sees Sirius recoil and has a sudden terrible flash of what’s about to happen; James has released Sirius’s arms and is still focused on Snape when Sirius draws back and punches Snape full in the face. There’s a terrible crunching sound and suddenly there’s blood everywhere; Snape staggers back and Sirius has shut his eyes and is clutching his fist to his chest, wincing and taking deep breaths. Remus scrambles off his bench whilst Peter gapes beside him; rather than run around the end of the table, Remus goes over it, knocking over a goblet and presumably flashing the entire Hufflepuff table, but he doesn’t care, he just wants to get to Sirius before the completely anonymous Malfoy brother who is standing and gaping at the wreckage of Snape’s nose gets over his dumb shock and decides to retaliate. Remus has a fleeting moment of triumph – if someone had just punched him, he knows his friends would already be backing him up, but Snape’s friends are both slow and shitty – and then he sees that the Malfoy brother is staring at his chest, where his goddamn buttons have failed him _again_ and a lacy edge of his bra is shining through, and it takes all of his considerable self-control to roll back the crimson curtain that has started descending over his vision. He restricts himself to snarling, ‘I am a prefect and you will _respect me_ ,’ in such a fierce tone that the Malfoy takes an involuntary step back. Remus puts an arm around Sirius’s shoulders and says, ‘Let’s get you to the hospital wing,’ spins him around – Sirius is still trying to breathe, and a glance at his hand by Remus’s expert eyes shows that something is definitely broken – and runs smack into Professor McGonagall.

 

‘Remus, Sirius,’ she says, lips pursed. ‘Come with me.’ She turns to the man beside her and says, ‘Horace, I believe that those two miscreants are your responsibility.’ Professor Slughorn starts to splutter – presumably to say that his boys did nothing wrong – and McGonagall adds, ‘I trust that they will be punished for their bullying behaviour,’ before steering Remus and Sirius out of the Great Hall.

 

***

Sirius is convinced that he’s going to be expelled and his hand hurts so fucking much and Remus’s arm around his shoulder – which has not left that position since the Great Hall – is so warm and comforting that he can feel his throat hurting like he’s going to cry. He blinks furiously as McGonagall leads them downstairs – not towards her office – and then to the Hospital Wing. Remus seems not at all surprised that they have been led here, but keeps that arm fiercely around him, not even releasing him when McGonagall has gotten Madam Pomfrey from her office and she has taken his hand to examine it.

 

‘I think he’s broken it there and there,’ Remus says to Pomfrey, pointing with his free hand, and Sirius thinks, _broken??!_ and swallows around the pain from trying not to cry coupled with the pain in his fist.

 

‘I’d say so,’ she says briskly, and then she waves her wand and he feels his bones reknit and the terrible pressure in his knuckles alleviates. Sirius slumps without meaning to against Remus’s side, and Remus holds him closer still, as Pomfrey goes to a cabinet and returns with a potion.

 

‘It will hurt for a while,’ she says, and Sirius is surprised at how gentle her tone is. McGonagall is watching them with an unreadable look on her face; Sirius thinks it’s a bit melancholy but there’s more there that he can’t define. Pomfrey helps him drink the potion because his hand does indeed still hurt and then he really does start crying and can’t seem to stop, even though it’s the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to him. Remus puts both arms around him and holds him tightly and he buries his face in Remus’s soft neck and tries to stop and he can’t even _imagine_ what McGonagall and Pomfrey are thinking.

 

‘The spell will wear off tomorrow,’ McGonagall says, finally, after Sirius has managed to stop gasping. He keeps his face pressed up against Remus, smelling his hair and feeling his warmth and, despite it all, somehow feeling comforted.

 

‘It wasn’t Sirius’s fault,’ Remus says, and Sirius thinks that he loves Remus’s husky voice, feminine or masculine. ‘He was provoked.’

 

‘I have no doubt,’ McGonagall says. She sighs as Sirius leans back, swiping at his nose and eyes with the sleeve of his jimper, and Remus lets him go. ‘I think that this spell has probably done its job.’

 

‘Yes,’ Remus says. ‘I don’t think it’s fair to make us go back out there, Professor.’

 

Slughorn sticks his head around the door and clears his throat. ‘Poppy,’ he says, ‘if you could just…’

 

‘Yes, yes,’ Pomfrey says, and bustles out the door with an annoyed look. Sirius watches Remus watch her and then looks back at McGonagall, who is looking thoughtful.

 

‘So you want to stay the night in the hospital wing?’ she asks Remus, and he nods, his curls bouncing a little. ‘All right,’ she concedes, and Remus exhales. ‘This punishment,’ she adds, ‘may be a little bit harsh.’

 

‘Well,’ Remus says, ‘we’ve survived.’ He and McGonagall share another look and Sirius has a sudden realisation that Remus is almost an adult, and wonders what it would be like if Remus were to continue being a woman – a beautiful adult woman – full of a different kind of power than his male self, but power nonetheless, that steely backbone that Remus has regardless of his physical form. Sirius has a fleeting thought of marrying that woman and never leaving her side. He wants Remus to hold him again.

 

‘Remus,’ McGonagall says then, and then she looks at Sirius and says, ‘and you, too, Sirius – I want you to be careful. You’re at school now, but you’re both intelligent enough to know what’s happening outside of Hogwarts. The people who you’re fighting with in the hall today may turn out to be people you really find yourself fighting in the future.’ She sighs, looking suddenly much older and impossibly tired. ‘Don’t make an enemy you’ll regret.’

 

‘Thank you, Professor,’ Remus says quietly, and she nods to them and goes to the door.

 

‘I’ll let Poppy know you’re to stay here,’ she adds, and then she walks out and shuts it behind her.

 

Remus turns back to look at Sirius and smiles. Sirius thinks that Remus has a smile that lights up the room. He wants to tell him that. He feels strangely like crying again.

 

‘Thanks for punching Snape in the face for me,’ Remus says, and his smile twitches and turns into a grin. ‘I appreciate it.’

 

‘Thanks for getting me out of there,’ Sirius replies. He lets out a huff of air. ‘I guess I was too pathetic for McGonagall to punish us, huh?’

 

‘Maybe,’ Remus says. He steps close to Sirius and cups his face with one of his cool hands. Sirius tilts his head and leans against it, wondering what it would feel like if it were Remus’s actual hand, bigger, still with the same strong, long fingers. Remus bends towards him and Sirius looks up at him, at his warm eyes and his slightly parted lips, and wants to fall forwards until Remus catches him. Bending down, Remus kisses him, gently, on the mouth, and Sirius shuts his eyes against the look of Remus’s girl body and just thinks of him, one of his best friends, always his protector, who he’d do anything for, anything in the world…

 

Remus jumps back away from him as they hear approaching footsteps. A minute later, Madam Pomfrey comes into the room and says that Professor McGonagall has given them permission to have visitors. James and Peter shuffle in, both looking mildly ashamed, and Pomfrey leaves them. Sirius puts a hand to his lips to feel for the imprint of Remus’s kiss.

 

‘Hey,’ Peter says. ‘That was an impressive punch, Sirius. For a girl, I mean.’

 

‘Oh fuck off,’ Remus snaps at him.

 

‘Really,’ Peter says earnestly. ‘There was a lot of blood!’

 

‘Good,’ Sirius growls. He pulls his legs up onto the bed and crosses them. ‘Thanks, by the way, James. For taking my wand away.’

 

‘Seems like you didn’t get into too much trouble,’ James says. He’s staring at the floor.

 

‘No,’ Remus says. There’s a pause. ‘I appreciate the effort you’re currently making, Prongs.’

 

‘Yeah, well,’ James says, ‘I reckon I should try a little harder to not just address your, uhm, breasts.’

 

‘Honestly,’ Sirius says, annoyed that James is even thinking about looking at Remus, ‘I thought you were Evanssexual and she doesn’t have anything like those.’

 

Remus glances at Sirius, a weird look on his face, and Peter snickers. James just looks offended. ‘I happen to like Evans for her _personality_ ,’ he snaps.

 

‘Note to self: Prongs likes women who constantly outsmart him,’ Peter says. ‘No wonder he’s so into you, Moony.’

 

Sirius glares at Peter and says, ‘Everyone stop objectifying us!’

 

‘I’m not objectifying you, mate,’ James says. ‘You’re terrifying, remember? It’d be like objectifying Maggie Thatcher.’

 

‘Oh go to hell, James,’ Remus says, sounding deeply weary. ‘This will all be over in the morning.’ Sirius has a pang at that, and looks to Remus to see if he can figure out what exactly he means by _all_ but Remus isn’t looking at him.

 

‘Good,’ Peter says fervently. ‘Then we can get back to normal.’

 

‘Maybe,’ James says, glaring darkly at Sirius. ‘Everyone seems to be rather high strung about the whole issue, honestly. We probably won’t be allowed to comment on girls anymore.’

 

Sirius rolls his eyes and says, ‘Apparently no one is commenting on me anyway.’

 

‘Now, now,’ James says. ‘I’m sure that Dark Wizard Weekly would run you as their Page Three girl.’

 

Sirius snarls and Remus says, ‘Is that even a thing?’ which makes Peter start giggling.

 

‘James,’ Sirius says, grinding his teeth, ‘let’s not forget that this all happened because Remus and I did a favour for _you_.’

 

‘Oh,’ James says. He at least has the good sense to look embarrassed. ‘But, I mean, anyone could have done that.’

 

‘No,’ Sirius snaps. ‘You said you’d map the girl’s dormitory _years_ ago. You said you’d take that area as soon as we had a concept for dividing up areas of the map. You said you’d be with Evans and you’d definitely get to go up there. Do you remember this?’

 

James sighs. ‘All right, all right, fine.’

 

‘And then you didn’t get with Evans – and there’s very little sign you ever will, honestly – and then you completely, completely—‘ Sirius is at a loss for words to describe just how _cowardly_ James has been.

 

‘You backed out on your promise,’ Remus supplies. ‘And so Padfoot and I went to do it for you, because we believe in completing a project.’

 

‘And now,’ Sirius says, nodding vigorously, ‘we have to suffer the consequences.’

 

‘Exactly,’ Remus says. ‘The consequences of your spineless inability to pull the only girl you’ve ever tried to pull—‘

 

‘Or to acknowledge that maybe she doesn’t want the kind of guy who can’t stop staring at the nicest pair he’s ever seen in order to show some respect to one of his oldest friends,’ Sirius continues, gesturing at Remus.

 

‘Precisely,’ Remus says, obviously hitting his conversational stride with Sirius’s help. ‘Exactly. You should have been hit with this stupid curse and then maybe you would be the kind of man who Lily is even interested in, the kind of man who recognises how to treat women.’

 

Peter is looking back and forth between the two of them, eyebrows raised. James is looking deeply wounded.

 

‘I said I was trying,’ he says. ‘And even Sirius acknowledges that they’re the nicest pair _anyone_ has ever seen, you know Moony?’

 

Remus glances at Sirius and he feels like his heart will stop. Then Remus says, ‘You owe us an apology, James.’

 

James sighs and says, ‘Yes, you’re right, I do.’ He hesitates and then adds, ‘And I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with so much. I’ll – I’ll try to be more aware in the future.’

 

‘C’mon James,’ Peter says suddenly. ‘You two sleep it off, ok?’ he asks, steering James towards the door. ‘See you in the morning.’

 

‘Night,’ they both say as Peter shuts the door.

 

‘Nicest pair?’ Remus asks Sirius as soon as their footsteps have receded. ‘Really?’

 

But then Pomfrey returns and she hustles them off to different beds and gives them their books and parchment for homework, which McGonagall has thoughtfully had brought down for them. As Pomfrey bustles back and forth, they sit several feet apart, Sirius unable to concentrate on anything but the physicality of the man inside a woman’s body across from him.

 

***

 

Remus had thought Pomfrey would never leave them alone, so when she goes at ten and says, ‘Goodnight, uhm, boys,’ he almost sighs aloud with relief. Sirius is instantly looking over at him, his dark eyelashes framing his pale eyes beautifully in the candlelight.

 

Remus is completely torn. He’d had an idea about what he wanted and had even decided to take action – indeed, had taken the action, of asking Sirius to the Shrieking Shack (not the most romantic spot in the world, but the only secluded one he can really think of where they have no chance of being interrupted) – and then there’d been the fight and the thrill of seeing Sirius defend him followed immediately by the sudden crushing sensation in his chest as he realised that he would do anything – _anything_ – to defend Sirius. He wants to groan, because he has had a sudden realisation that there are _feelings_ wrapped up in this thing and as much as he wants to get underneath female Sirius’s skirt/body – he’s got to be careful how he proceeds or else they’re both going to get hurt. He remembers how Sirius had felt in his arms, fragile and warm and alive and just _clinging_ onto him as he’d cried. It makes an ache in his chest so big that he almost can’t breathe around it.

 

‘Moony?’ Sirius asks. Remus watches him stand and smooth his skirt. His legs beneath it glow palely in the dark room. He walks over to stand beside Remus, one hand out tentatively but not quite touching him. ‘Are you ok?’

 

‘Yes,’ Remus says. He can smell Sirius from here, and Sirius smells nervous and aroused and something else, something deeper that he finds intoxicating. Remus, gently, leans his head until it is against Sirius’s side. Sirius twists a bit and Remus feels the underside of one his breasts graze his head and shuts his eyes against the sudden rush of pure want. ‘Padfoot…’

 

‘Do we still have a date?’ Sirius asks, sounding terrified but determined. ‘I’d like to still have it. If you do. I mean.’

 

Remus hesitates, but Sirius’s body is so warm and he doesn’t know what to do but he knows what he wants to do. He wonders if he’s making a terrible choice. ‘Yes,’ he says finally. ‘Yes, let’s have it. But we haven’t got the cloak or the map or anything.’

 

‘It’s late,’ Sirius says. He sounds relieved. ‘And we’re quite near the front door. I think we can just go, if we’re careful.’ His hand comes up and runs through Remus’s hair, then wraps one of his curls around his finger. ‘These are fun,’ he adds. ‘I’m going to miss them.’

 

Remus laughs, startled, and puts his arms around Sirius’s middle, inhaling against his stomach. He can’t get enough of the way Sirius smells suddenly. ‘Are you ready?’

 

‘Yes,’ Sirius says. Remus pulls away, reluctantly, but Sirius takes his hand once he stands up and they go that way, together, sneaking out of the infirmary and down the dark corridor. They remove their shoes so they can walk more quietly and creep out through the front door to take in the view of the grounds.

 

‘How are we ever going to stop the Willow?’ Sirius hisses.

 

‘I thought we’d take the road into Hogsmeade,’ Remus whispers back. ‘Walk through the woods and to the front door of the Shack.’

 

‘Clever Moony,’ Sirius says admiringly. He darts forward and kisses Remus on the lips, very quickly, before squeezing his hand and dragging him down the stairs.

 

They skirt the Forbidden Forest. The moon is waning, almost reaching the nadir of its cycle, so they have very little natural light to work with, and the forest itself is even darker that the open grounds. They stay on the edge of the trees, skirting the groundskeeper’s cottage, and then walk in as much shadow as they can along the road.

 

Remus wonders how they would look to someone who encountered them: two young women shivering in their Hogwarts uniforms, their hands tightly joined, seemingly undaunted by the dark terrors that women always seem to be taught lurk just outside of their homes. Remus knows that he is unafraid and hopes that Sirius is too. How could he be afraid with Sirius at his side? But they see no one.

 

They duck into the woods when they are nearly to the village and follow the path they know best in animal form through the trees until they come to the front door of the Shack. It doesn’t actually open but they know how to get in through a broken window in the back. Sirius boosts Remus up, running a hand up his exposed leg that nearly makes him fall, but he manages to make it in through the window and then pull Sirius up as well.

 

He’s gotten some dust onto the front of his jumper and Remus longs to wipe it off. He realises what they’re there for – at least ideally, though he’s not sure he can go through with it – and reaches forward and does, letting his hand graze across Sirius’s breasts. Sirius shuts his eyes and licks his lips.

 

‘Upstairs?’ he suggests, voice hoarse and shaky.

 

‘Yes,’ Remus says. He takes Sirius’s small hand again and leads him up the winding, creaking stairs to the bedroom. They know the Shack inside and out but Remus has never once looked at the sagging four poster bed and thought that it would make a nice place for a shag; opportunity is making it a lot more attractive all of a sudden. He guides Sirius to it and they sit down together, pulling their legs up onto the bed in the way that the girls had taught them, as Mary had put it, ‘to preserve their modesty’. Remus conjures a lit candle and lets it float above their heads but away from the torn hangings on the bed. The light is shadowy and warm, and Sirius glows in it, all of his feminine features highlighted but the shadow of the man just underneath the surface.

 

Sirius reaches up and unplaits his hair so that it hangs down onto his chest. Then he stretches out and undoes Remus’s bun so that his hair falls around his face, joining the few curls that have been driving him insane all day. Remus shakes his head out and Sirius runs his hands through the curls and smiles.

 

‘I love your hair,’ he says, shy.

 

‘Thank you,’ Remus says, feeling strangely solemn, because, beautiful woman or not, this is Sirius, who is notoriously always running on emotion instead of thought so Remus has to be the responsible one and what on earth are they doing here? He starts to think that he can’t – shouldn’t – do it.

 

Then Sirius pulls something out of his jumper pocket. ‘Uhm, so, Mary gave these to me back on the first day. They’re Muggle things. She said just in case. I. You know.’

 

Remus looks at the two little silver packages that Sirius has pulled out and frowns. His parents are quite progressive and they gave him the sex talk at a fairly young age, but he can’t imagine either the elder Blacks or Potters having done the same for Sirius. Then of course the four of them had been too busy giggling through Pomfrey’s lecture in second year for Sirius to have picked up any knowledge there. And finally there’s the triple whammy of condoms being a Muggle thing, and Sirius never having taken Muggle studies or known much about Muggles at all beyond hair-raising stories of them eating Wizarding babies that he’d had to be told were not real the first time he’d met Remus’s mum. Basically Sirius is fucked at knowing anything about anything here – no pun intended. ‘Well,’ Remus says, carefully aiming for simple but informative. ‘These are called condoms.’ He reaches out and plucks them out of Sirius’s hand. ‘We, uhm, probably won’t be needing them.’

 

‘Oh,’ Sirius says. ‘What are they, uhm, for?’

 

Remus holds up the smaller one and says, ‘This one is for a cock.’

 

‘Oh,’ says Sirius. He blushes, which is frustratingly becoming, Remus thinks, and then flicks his eyes down, around, anywhere but at Remus. ‘So I guess we don’t need that one.’

 

‘Right,’ Remus says briskly. ‘And this other one is, well, it’s for girls but I haven’t the first clue about how to use it because they’re actually quite rare and anyway it’s just in case we had an STI or something. Which I don’t believe I’ve even had a chance to try to get, and I don’t believe you have either…’

 

‘No,’ Sirius says quickly. ‘No, nope, definitely not.’

 

Remus leans over and puts the packets on the scratched windowsill. Sirius is staring at the duvet resolutely, his face still flaming red. ‘Sirius,’ Remus starts, but even using his name feels like too much.

 

‘I didn’t know,’ Sirius says in a rush. ‘They were Muggle things. I didn’t know what they were for.’

 

‘That’s ok,’ Remus says. Something about all of this is breaking his heart. And then he’s suddenly aching with need; everything feels swollen and twinging. He reaches out and conjures another lit candle so he can see Sirius’s loveliness better. ‘Listen, James is an idiot.’

 

Sirius grins, still staring down at the duvet, and says, ‘Tell me something I don’t know.’

 

‘I mean,’ Remus says, taking a deep breath, ‘that you’re beautiful.’

 

Sirius looks up, startled. ‘You said that on the first day,’ he says quietly, ‘but then James and Peter… well, I thought you were being nice.’

 

‘You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,’ Remus says truthfully, and, he thinks, _what the hell_. Sometimes they both have to be rash. ‘And, stupid as it may sound, not that it matters beyond tonight, but I’d love to see more of you.’

 

Sirius smiles and then crosses his arms, tugs at the hem of his jumper, and lifts it over his head. He throws it somewhere in a dark corner and scoots closer, so that their legs are touching. ‘Come on then,’ he says. ‘I haven’t got the first clue about this but maybe we can figure something out.’

 

‘Yes,’ Remus says, and he leans forward and undoes Sirius’s tie. Sirius takes it from him and tosses that into the corner too. Remus strokes his hands up Sirius’s sides from his waist and then over to his collar; he undoes each button carefully, deliberately, each button pulling free of its slit raising his heart rate and making his body throb with longing. Already he can feel that his knickers are soaked again, and he wonders if they’re making a damp patch on his skirt, if it’s soaking through onto the duvet. Sirius is making little whimpering encouraging sounds and putting his hands onto Remus’s wrists to hold on as Remus undoes the most crucial buttons and then shoves the shirt back and off of Sirius’s narrow shoulders. Sirius rolls his shoulders and Remus wants to put his mouth to them but he seems to have developed tunnel vision: Sirius is wearing a small, lacy black bra that makes Remus want to rip it off with his teeth. He settles for pressing forward and burying his face between Sirius’s breasts, breathing in to absorb some of Sirius’s musky scent. Sirius is really whimpering now, head bent down and long black hair falling across Remus’s neck. Remus sits up, sweeping Sirius’s hair aside with one hand, and whispers, ‘May I?’

 

‘Yes,’ Sirius gasps, ‘I don’t know what I’m agreeing to, but yes, please, do it.’

 

Remus slides his hands up Sirius’s pale, warm stomach and then under the fabric of the bra. He’s imagined this moment when he touches himself but it’s never been as good as this. Sirius arches forward, shoulders bowed, and Remus feels his breasts draw closer together, the bra moving enough that he can cup them, and yes, they fit perfectly into his hands, just as he’d known they would. It’s a deeply satisfying feeling. He helps Sirius undo the bra and then there are his breasts, perky, so that the small pink nipples seem to be tipped upwards. Sirius takes a deep breath and says, ‘This is who I am right now, isn’t it?’

 

‘Yes,’ Remus says, not entirely sure what Sirius means. Sirius rocks up on his heels and suddenly his perfect breasts are in Remus’s face. He buries his nose there and Sirius moans and says, ‘Oh, I think you should suck on them…’

 

‘Is that what you want?’ Remus asks, but it’s mostly just a formality, a chatty banter behaviour that he can’t seem to break. It’s easier than thinking. He twists his head as Sirius cups the base of his skull and finds one of the nipples, then starts sucking on it. It’s hard, raised, and the breast underneath has just the right amount of tension to feel perfect in his hand. The curves of the underside of Sirius’s breasts are amazing; Remus can see the fine hairs there and when he runs his tongue underneath one of them, Sirius gasps.

 

‘Yes this is what I want,’ he babbles. ‘Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.’

 

Remus cups each breast and sucks on the nipple, then, daringly, bites one of them, twisting his tongue around the little raised portion of it before closing his teeth around it. Sirius whimpers and grinds down against the bed, so Remus sucks harder, bites a little bit more, cups and squeezes his breasts a little more sharply. Sirius gasps and grinds more accordingly, grabbing at Remus’s shoulder for support. Then he reaches for one of Remus’s hands and guides it down to his skirt. Remus goes dry in the mouth with want; he lets Sirius’s hand lead him underneath the woollen fabric and then Sirius releases his hand and so he slows down deliberately, resting it on Sirius’s soft downy thigh, then stroking up and feeling the muscles there tense. He imagines he can feel heat radiating from above onto his hand and glides his fingers up to Sirius’s knickers. They’re completely soaked through, which makes Remus throb in response; Sirius’s hands clench hard on Remus’s shoulders but Remus wants to explore so he lets his fingers drift around, feeling the soft curves of Sirius’s body through the damp material. There’s a distinct cleft there; Sirius moans aloud when Remus lets his fingers glide to the front of it. He presses a bit harder and rubs, still through the fabric, and Sirius drops his head onto his shoulder and starts sucking at his neck, making little needy high pitched whimpering noises. Remus is so aroused he’s not sure how he’s still thinking; Sirius’s mouth on his neck is hot and Sirius’s body under his hands is hot and Remus wants to press their bodies together and get covered in this intoxicating heat and wetness in a way that he can’t articulate.

 

‘Please,’ Sirius gasps into his ear, before biting down on his earlobe and twisting with his teeth, then lapping at the painful spot with his tongue. Remus shudders – Sirius is still bent over him, his breasts pressed against Remus’s hair – and rubs harder through his knickers, aiming to hit the up-until-now quasi-mystical place that he’s heard women have. Sirius starts to shake in his arms and puts his hands on Remus’s head, his fingers buried almost painfully into Remus’s hair, and it feels so good, Remus can’t, he can’t do this, he has to –

 

Sirius suddenly shrieks and shivers down the length of his entire body, tilting his head back so that he’s entirely spread out before Remus, who sucks one of his nipples into his mouth and lets Sirius grind onto his hand until he suddenly collapses backwards and lies on the bed, gasping, long neck exposed, hair spread out on the duvet like a fainting heroine in a Romantic painting, breasts heaving and legs bent. Remus watches him, also gasping.

 

After nearly a minute Sirius, with what looks like great effort, manages to unfolds his legs, his skirt riding up around his thighs, and lies with them splayed out as tremors pass through his body. Remus almost can’t believe how gorgeous he is, thoroughly debauched, a dark stain on his skirt, a hint of white knickers showing underneath it. Remus feels raw with need.

 

‘Come here,’ Sirius says, and he opens his eyes, which glitter darkly in the candlelight. Remus leans forward, legs shaky, and lies down beside Sirius, who props himself up on one elbow with an obvious effort. They’re both breathing like they’ve been running through the Forest.

 

‘Did you come?’ Remus asks, turning his head, unable to stop himself from reaching up and cupping one of Sirius’s breasts. He can’t believe how they change shape as he moves: one minute stretched out and small, the next curving down almost to his mouth, full and demanding to be bitten. His nipples are red and hard and glistening with saliva which Remus realises is his own, which is sexy as fuck.

 

‘I think so,’ Sirius says thoughtfully. ‘It felt like it. But it’s not quite the same, maybe? I feel like I could do it again, right now.’ He leans down and kisses Remus passionately, and Remus imagines that he now has Sirius’s pink lipstick smeared across his mouth and the thought is so sexy that somehow Remus manages to get more turned on. His first thought about seeing Sirius in makeup – well, his second, after _I want to fuck you now_ had passed through – was that he was seeing Sirius’s armour against the world. And now Sirius is letting it come off in front of him, letting it get smeared and destroyed by the force of their togetherness and that makes it all the more gorgeous. He opens his eyes and rubs his fingers across Sirius’s eyelids, so that the lines of his eyeliner blur. Sirius opens his eyes too and looks down at Remus.

 

‘You’re wrong, you know,’ he says, running his small hand along Remus’s face and down his neck to his collarbone. ‘You’re the most beautiful woman.’

 

Remus laughs, startled. ‘If you’re into big-breasted librarians, maybe.’

 

Sirius looks at him with dark meaning and bends down to kiss him again, breathing into his mouth at the last second, ‘I’m into you,’ before their mouths meet. Remus wonders if it’s possible to die from want; what does this beautiful creature want with him? Sirius’s hand on his collarbone slides down into his shirt and grazes the top of his breasts; Remus arches and moans.

 

‘Here,’ Sirius says, leaning back. ‘Can I undress you?’

 

‘Thought you’d never ask.’

 

Remus sits up halfway so Sirius can remove his jumper, and then he makes the surprise move of removing his skirt – Remus reaches out and tugs at Sirius’s skirt hem, so he removes that too, tossing them off the foot of the bed – and then sliding up his body and untying his tie. Then he takes a deep breath and suddenly starts to laugh, perched with his fingers at the top of Remus’s buttoned shirt.

 

‘I’m the luckiest girl at Hogwarts,’ he manages to get out between giggles, and Remus bats at him and says, ‘Shut up,’ but Sirius doesn’t, so Remus wraps his legs around Sirius’s and shoves up with his hips to rub Sirius’s knickers with his own. Sirius’s face goes immediately still, and Remus himself is seeing stars, and has the sudden thought that he suddenly understands that saying, because Sirius is a star, shining so brightly before him in this dark room, and that’s stupid and soppy and James would call him a girl and the irony, oh, but Sirius is beautiful in every way and Remus has to distract himself or fall.

 

‘Take my shirt off,’ he moans, which is funny, because it’s the last thing he could ever have imagined moaning to anyone a few days ago and now it’s the thing he wants most in the world. ‘You’ll make this horrible ordeal worth it,’ he adds, and Sirius grins and undoes the buttons, then pushes the shirt away and sits back on his heels, straddling Remus’s body so that he can feel how damp Sirius’s knickers are on his upper thigh and somehow every moment keeps getting sexier. Sirius, for his part, has a look of awe on his face, and Remus knows exactly why: Marlene had declared her bra to be a cup size too small for him and even though it’s an impressive machine with two tiers of hooks, a full underwire, and what feels like miles of silk and lace, Remus knows from staring into the mirror every morning for four days that he has pale flesh squeezing out of the top of the cups almost to the nipple. The lace rubbing against his areolas has been a constant low-level turn on for days and now under Sirius’s gaze he feels like his breasts practically swell with longing to be touched and sucked and stroked.

 

Sirius swallows audibly and says, ‘I think these might be the eighth wonder of the world.’ He reaches out with tentative hands and cups them through the bra; Remus can’t stop from moaning, they’re so sensitive and Sirius’s hands are so warm and gentle. ‘Scratch that,’ Sirius says in a hoarse voice. ‘We’re getting rid of the Colossus at Rhodes and putting these in. No one liked that one anyway.’

 

Remus giggles in spite of himself and says, ‘Take the bra off.’

 

Sirius hesitates. ‘I actually have no idea how. This is way more complicated than mine.’

 

Remus sits up and finds himself face to face with Sirius’s breasts again. He wraps his arms around Sirius’s middle and strokes his hands up the soft skin of his back; his nipples seem like magnets for his mouth and he sucks one in and flicks his tongue over it while Sirius pants and writhes, wrapping his legs around Remus’s back and grinding down against his lap.

 

Remus manages to stop tonguing a nipple long enough to lean back and say, ‘See the clasps now?’

 

‘Yes,’ Sirius says, sounding faint but determined. Remus feels him fumbling for a minute and then the bra opens and Remus feels everything come tumbling out with an immense feeling of relief. Sirius helps him pull the bra off of his arms and then leans back and cups them again. Remus whimpers involuntarily and Sirius drags a fingernail across one of them, lightly, before pushing Remus back and crawling down his body. Remus winds up on his side, his breasts heavy in Sirius’s hands as he licks and strokes them. Then Sirius moves further down his body and pushes a hand between Remus’s legs – everything feels hot and slick and Remus can’t think or do much of anything but gasp and shake as Sirius tugs aside his knickers and then slides a warm finger inside of him. Remus forgets everything except this feeling, except gripping Sirius’s shoulders and shoving down onto his hand, as he adds one finger and then another, then curls his hand around to stroke at something deep inside of Remus that makes him want to simultaneously scream and cry. Then Sirius puts his tongue somewhere inside of Remus too, so warm and providing the perfect amount of friction and texture and Remus has never felt so taken by orgasm before as he does when Sirius finally figures out the perfect rhythm and he comes shuddering. He lies there afterwards, mouth dry, legs shaky, hands convulsively clenching around Sirius’s arms, while Sirius moves back up his body, presses their breasts together, and kisses him tenderly. It’s not really the kind of kiss that suggests fuck buddies and Remus aches somewhere deep and unspecified inside as he stretches forward into the kiss. Sirius tastes salty and Remus runs a tongue wonderingly around his lips, wanting the taste too.

 

They lie that way for a long time, kissing and holding each other in a way that is definitely getting romantic, Remus stroking Sirius’s arms and Sirius holding his breasts in a way that seems almost protective and keeping their legs wrapped together, until Remus remembers Sirius saying that he wasn’t sure if he’d come and connects that up with some other quasi-mystical information he has about women, that they can have these ‘multiple orgasms’. Remus trails his leg up Sirius’s so that his drenched knickers drag against his thigh; Sirius whimpers, startled, and Remus runs his hands up his sides to cup his breasts again. Sirius’s eyes open; his makeup is smeared everywhere now, so that his eyes look enormous, and Remus kisses the corners of them, tasting the sweat on his face and the chemical mascara and Sirius presses their breasts together and takes little gasping breaths. Remus half-remembers a filthy magazine that Peter had once brought back from home after a summer break which had described something two women could do called scissoring; he isn’t sure how to go about it though, and the physics of the thing quickly become confusing as they attempt to rock together with their legs spread.

 

‘I’m not convinced we’re doing this right,’ Remus says, frustrated beyond belief, and Sirius nods his head, frowning.

 

‘I reckon that magazine was wrong,’ Sirius says. ‘It didn’t really prepare us for any of this.’

 

‘No,’ Remus agrees. ‘We’re strangers in a strange land, exploring damp jungles and dark caverns.’ He grins at his turn of phrase and Sirius barks his perfect laugh, their bodies moving against each other. Remus disengages their legs and Sirius gives him a deeply hurt look, but Remus puts a hand to his mouth in a shhing gesture. Sirius sucks his fingers in immediately and lathes them with his tongue, which almost causes Remus to lose concentration, but he keeps it together and crawls down the length of Sirius’s body, lifting his legs to remove his knickers. Sirius lets him, propping himself up on his elbows to watch Remus, who lets Sirius’s long, knee-socked legs rest on his shoulders – Sirius as a woman wearing nothing but knee socks is a fetish Remus will take to his grave – and takes a deep breath. Then he leans forward and tentatively runs his tongue along the hot, salty line of his slit. Sirius flops backwards and gasps, and Remus, encouraged, starts to lick and then – feeling bold – suck on what he thinks is the clitoris. Sirius actually screams, and Remus jumps back, startled, but Sirius shakes his head and pants, ‘So. Good. Please,’ clenching and unclenching his fists, so Remus moves back in, feeling smug, and licks and sucks harder. Sirius’s hands hover over his hair, twisting around and around his curls, and Remus has an idea, so he reaches up, keeping his mouth engaged, and takes Sirius’s wrist. He tugs lightly on it, so Sirius pulls his hair, and it’s really fucking sexy. Sirius gets the idea and keeps it up. After a few minutes he’s arching his back and is so loud that Remus is concerned that he’s going to wake up Hogsmeade. He stops again and scoots forward, putting his chin on Sirius’s stomach.

 

‘Oh god,’ Sirius gasps, ‘oh god, I’m so sorry, I’ll be quiet, I promise, but I can’t, I can’t, you’re undoing me…’

 

‘No,’ Remus says, an idea coming to him that before tonight would have ashamed him with its depravity but that right now seems like the best idea he’s ever had. Twisting, he reaches down and removes his knickers. Sirius watches him with wide eyes as he moves over Sirius’s body and says, ‘I don’t think you’re very good at being quiet.’

 

‘No,’ Sirius pants. ‘I’m not.’ He’s eyeing the knickers with those dark, smeared eyes, and it makes Remus want to do such filthy things. He raises an eyebrow and says, ‘I think I’m going to have to _make_ you be quiet.’

 

‘Yes,’ Sirius agrees, chest heaving, ‘want to taste you so much,’ and so Remus shoves the knickers into his mouth.

 

‘Is that ok?’ he asks. ‘You can breathe, right?’ Sirius whimpers around them and nods and Remus says, feeling wicked, ‘Good girl,’ which elicits another whimper, before moving back down to resume his task. Sirius comes a minute later, hips bucking wildly, and then his hands pull Remus up with surprising strength. Remus complies as Sirius removes the knickers from his mouth, which is red and swollen in the candlelight and then pulls Remus forward so that he’s straddling Sirius’s face, and then Sirius’s tongue is everywhere vital and Remus knows why Sirius was screaming and has to double over, clutching the headboard for support.

 

They fall asleep from exhaustion shortly after that, naked and wrapped around each other, Sirius holding Remus’s breasts again, until Sirius wakes Remus in the earliest hours of the morning – there’s not even a hint of sunrise – and says, ‘We should probably, uhm, go back. Before Pomfrey catches us.’

 

Remus looks down at himself. Still in a female body. He looks at Sirius, beautifully naked in the dark, and says, ‘Do we have to go back now?’

 

An hour later, they sneak back into the hospital wing. They had buried their knickers – which seemed guilty beyond repair – in a corner of the forest and had washed their faces, hands, and thighs in an icy creek that they knew of from other night time excursions. Shivering, they climb into separate beds and then roll onto their sides to look at each other in the pearly dawn light, but Remus is too exhausted and nervous to say anything. The night feels distinctly momentous. He falls asleep with Sirius still staring silently at him.  

 

***

Pomfrey wakes them up and tells them that they have an hour before class. She shuts the door and Sirius sits up groggily in bed, feeling not at all rested. Leaden anxiety weighs down his stomach. He is most definitely a male wearing a skirt. His shirt and jumper are restrictively tight in the shoulders and strangely baggy in the front.

 

‘Padfoot?’ Remus murmurs from the other bed, his voice deep. ‘Are you there?’

 

‘Yes,’ Sirius says.

 

Remus rolls over. He has the beginnings of stubble darkening his jaw. He looks devastatingly gorgeous. ‘You ok?’

 

‘That wasn’t just a fuck, was it?’ Sirius asks nervously. He slumps back and stares up at the ceiling, trying to read the patterns in the stone there. His eyes feel sticky from the caked on makeup.

 

Remus is silent for a long time. Sirius shuts his eyes, then feels his bed slump and his duvet pull back. He opens his eyes as Remus crawls in beside him and wraps a strong arm around his waist, nuzzling down against his chest.

 

‘Sirius?’ he asks, and Sirius’s heart feels afraid to beat as he asks, ‘Yes?’

 

‘Is your wand handy? Can you fix my hair?’

 

Sirius laughs, startled, and pulls his wand off the bedside table. With a quick spell, both of their hair is back to normal. He does another and the makeup is gone. Remus sits up and undoes his shirt, smiling down at Sirius as he takes it off and then removes the now useless bra. Sirius looks at his pale chest, the muscles that move in it and the faint scars that cross it, and Remus watches him look.

 

‘You sure you want it to be more than a fuck?’ Remus asks lightly. ‘After all, my best feature is gone. Or should I say, features.’

 

‘Gone, but not forgotten,’ Sirius says, throat constricted, and Remus grins.

 

‘Good point. I assume James will throw them a wake.’

 

Sirius sits up too and shifts. ‘God, it’s strange to be wearing a skirt with no knickers.’

 

 Remus laughs and slides a hand up Sirius’s thigh. Sirius whimpers, startled, and Remus says, ‘Kiss me.’

 

‘Ok,’ Sirius agrees. He presses his mouth to Remus’s, a little scared that it’s not going to be the same, but it’s still urgent and needy and within seconds his stomach has gone to jelly and Remus’s hand slides all the way up under his skirt and gives a single, hard tug on his rapidly swelling cock.

 

Then Remus pulls back and says, ‘I think I could work with this.’ He tilts his head, his hand still resting underneath Sirius’s skirt on his thigh. ‘What do you think?’

 

Sirius finds that he’s shaking. He grabs Remus’s head with one hand and kisses him as hard as he can, their teeth hitting, but it doesn’t matter. He gets his other hand under Remus’s skirt and finds that his cock is heavy and hard and hot. A million thoughts go through his head, all variations on ways they can fuck each other. ‘Yes,’ he says, out of breath. ‘Listen though. We have to figure out that spell. Maybe for just a few hours.’

 

‘Which spell?’ Remus asks. He’s also breathing heavily but frowning. ‘You mean the one we were just under?’

 

Sirius nods vigorously and kisses Remus again, then moves his mouth to Remus’s ear, too nervous to say aloud what he wants whilst looking at him. ‘I want you to fuck me with this—‘ here he gives Remus’s cock a hard stroke – ‘when I’m a in a female body.’

 

Remus shivers against him and kisses his neck savagely. ‘Oh god yes,’ he breathes. ‘We’ll need that spell. Also that condom. A whole box of them, because I’m going to fuck you so much. And then when you turn back I’ll suck your cock. Preferably when you’re still wearing a little skirt and knee socks and knickers.’

 

Sirius thinks he’s going to come, or pass out, or explode, but Remus isn’t done, because now he’s moved forward and kissed Sirius’s mouth, one strong hand stroking Sirius’s cheek while the other strokes something else under his skirt.

 

‘I’m going to come,’ Sirius whispers and Remus grins fiercely against his mouth and strokes faster, until Sirius does, shaking. ‘I think I love you,’ he blurts out, without thinking, and is instantly mortified, but Remus holds him more tightly and whispers in his ear, ‘I was going to tell you that too, you know. After I did the other things to you.’

 

Sirius wraps himself around Remus bonelessly. He has no idea how he’s going to make it out of this bed, much less to class. He feels like all the tension he’s been carrying around for days has dissipated, leaving behind a sense of contentment so deep that he could sink through the floor. ‘I’m going to fail my bloody NEWTs because of you,’ he tells Remus, and then there’s a knock at the door and Remus leaps out of Sirius’s bed and scrambles into his own, face contorted as he clearly tries not to laugh, because Sirius has just had a glimpse of his erect cock poking out from underneath his skirt. Sirius feels terror and anticipation balled up into one vertigo inducing moment when he sees how big it is.

 

‘Come in,’ Remus calls, as Sirius drags his duvet up over the extremely suspicious stain on his skirt. James enters, followed by Peter, holding a stack of clothing.

 

‘Thought you might want your uniforms,’ James says. ‘Happy to have the old wand and remembralls back?’

 

Remus snorts into his pillow and Peter gets a set look to his mouth like he’s trying not to laugh. Sirius has a feeling that Peter already knows too much but can’t be bothered to care. They get dressed carefully and James predictably laments the loss of Remus’s endowments and Peter rolls his eyes good naturedly and makes eye contact with Sirius every time Remus says something, and then they leave.

 

The last thing Sirius sees Remus do before he pulls the door shut is stuff Sirius’s damp skirt into a side pocket of his bookbag. Remus catches Sirius looking and arches an eyebrow at him. Sirius grins back. Life has just gotten a lot more interesting.


End file.
